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I don't know what to do. I'm so lonely, but I'm also so hurt from what Aaron did. I know that he has changed and he is sorry, but I still got hurt, and my heart won't let me forget it. I want to so bad. I do love Aaron, but I don't know if I can ever feel the way I used to for him, but I also don't want him out of my life. Maybe I just want to be friends? Maybe I just want him for security, because I don't have anybody else? Maybe I really love him? Why don't I know? Why can't I figure this out? I have never been confused like this before, and I don't know what to do. I've been praying and praying about this. I don't know why I have to go through this and some people just get love right away. It's not fair! I want it soooo bad! I want a family sooo bad! I don't want to be alone. I guess I'm just not being patient. I guess I'm just going to have to go in faith forward. But why can't he just send me somebody? Do I not deserve somebody? Have I not been good enough? What is he waiting for?! I really want to have a man who loves me.
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With Aaron....He was your first real love that you gave your everything to and even in your mind you went to marriage with him. He will always and forever be that first guy that you had that with, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's "the one". The reason you can't forget it is because God's working on you and in you and not letting you make a mistake that might even hurt MORE in the future. I don't doubt that you love him. That will probably be around for a while. and I think you're right about wanting the security of him. But Janet, I promise to you that God has someone for you. I don't know when or why you are going through what you're going through but it's for something bigger. Bigger than our minds can comprehend. And you have to remember and trust that it's worth it. Everything is worth it. You're still in Southern Illinois ya know? You're only 25. AND you had like 5 guys wanting you (ok so they weren't the ideal) but you know that you're not a hobbit. You are beautiful. You are HILARIOUS. You are YOU and that's why I love you. You're my best friend and I think about you daily. You just need to sort of "get out" of there for a while. I dont know what a while is because I know you have to work there for a couple years, but i know that you at least have to come here in april. no excuses.
I'm so sorry I forgot to call you back. I was asleep when you called and I completely dropped the ball. I hope you can forgive me. Im realllllly sorry!
Thank you!
whats in april? is that baby time?
APRIL 16TH is my due date at least....
OOOOOOOH! BABAY!
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